


Shallow

by AliSunshine93



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, But I'm Not Good At Writing Smut So It Is Kinda Skipped Over, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Identity Reveal, Lime, Mention of sex, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 21:30:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19776814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliSunshine93/pseuds/AliSunshine93
Summary: In your search for the Crystal Exarch you run into Dulia-Chai, the free citizen from Eulmore. She mentions that the Exarch had just been in here, but had mentioned needing air. What happens as you chase after him to ensure his safety, and what revelations come forth from the confrontation?Basically, my take on what should have happened during the level 78 quest in Kholusia. THIS DOES HAVE SHADOWBRINGERS SPOILERS IN IT!





	Shallow

**Author's Note:**

> Again, this had FFXIV: Shadowbringers spoilers in it. Very quickly. Heck, even reading the tags and the relationships may have already spoiled it for you. But I have way too many feelings not to get this out, and I love this boi so much. WoL/WoD is a Miqo'te!
> 
> Some of the quotes here are actually things he says in the game... which makes it so much better, because he is genuinely so loving towards the Warrior of Light/Darkness.
> 
> I highly recommend listening to Shallow by Bradley Cooper & Lady Gaga while reading this. I listened to it on repeat and was sobbing the entire time, because I felt it resonate for them so hard.

You didn't think the last time you saw him would be good-bye.

After a narrow escape from the Crystal Tower and the Cloud of Darkness, you looked at G'raha Tia and smiled with such a feeling of success and happiness that you wondered how it was possible to feel so many emotions at once without exploding. You had done it. You had both done it.

But something was wrong. You could feel it in your bones and in the very ebb and flow of your life force. G'raha was hiding something.

You both slowed to a walk on the way back to Saint Coinach's Find, and took advantage of the quiet to catch your breath. Placing your hands on your knees, and bending at the hips you let out a small, breathless laugh meant to engage the man you'd grown strongly attached to during your short time together.

"That was a close one." He mimics your actions, but scurries closer to you and bends further to get a look at your face. He has a small pleasant smile on his face, and while his eyes also show a modicum of happiness there is also something darker there. That darkness makes you feel cold, vulnerable, and suddenly the beautiful purples and blues of Mor Dhona's landscape seem terrifying and too vibrant for the current situation.

Seeing him so close, so beautiful, but obviously hurting had you losing your breath again. You stand straight, reaching your hands out to grasp his shoulders and pull him up with you, and he only resists slightly with confusion skipping quickly across his features before melting into your touch.

"G'raha... what's wrong?" You step closer, your elbows bending but hands remaining steadfast on his broad shoulders. You remember how those shoulders and arms felt underneath your hands only nights prior when you had both given into your more primal desires at Revenant's Toll's tavern, and dig your fingers in at the thought.

_Now is not the time to be thinking such thoughts._

His left eyebrow raises quizzically, and the action almost seems more peculiar now that his eyes match each other in their crimson color. He looks around before raising his arms and looping them around your waist, pulling and bringing your body flush against his. You almost blush at the feeling, but remember that you had done much worse things and much more often. 

Bringing his forehead down to yours he sighs, "Why do you think something is wrong? We just achieved the impossible!" 

His optimism almost makes you feel bad for suspecting that he could be hiding something, but even then, even after his words, you felt a strange emptiness. Placating words and gestures that were leading up to something bigger- something you knew you wouldn't like, but would ultimately have to understand.

After all, you're the Warrior of Light. You are the moral compass of right or wrong, and it didn't matter much to anyone except your friends what you thought of their countless sacrifices- the lives lost in a war against people and primal alike. Your duty was to save the world, and it didn't matter what- or who- you lost in the process.

Except that it did. It hurt you to your very bones, an ache so deep and so sorrowful that sometimes you thought you would topple over from it. The pain sometimes so intense that you could do nothing but nod, smile, and allow your actions to speak for you. It took all of your willpower to just keep moving forward hoping that maybe next time one of your loved ones wouldn't have to die for peace.

_Please not G'raha. Please not him._

You sent a silent prayer to anyone who was listening. You had something good here with him, and you had just defied all odds together. And yet... that same feeling that hid around every corner and in every shadow was lurking in your heart- something bad was about to happen.

You feel him grasp your chin and turn your face up to his, effectively cutting you out of your thoughts. He seems almost angelic in this moment with the hues of the landscape shining around you both, a silhouette of cool toned rainbow colors peeking out from behind his head, and you're not surprised when he too is taken in the moment and leans down to kiss you.

As his lips close around yours, you sigh and release the negative thoughts you'd been thinking moments prior. 

_He's here. He's here right now, in my arms, and that is what matters._

You throw yourself mind, heart, and soul into the kiss- into him. Logically you know your bodies can't physically get closer without indecency, and yet you try anyways to move closer together. Your fingers thread their way into his hair, pulling loose the small ponytail tied at the nape of his neck, and with a small tug you pull his head back and move your lips down his jaw and to his neck leaving small nips at the junctures. 

With a disgruntled huff, he pulls away and mutters a single utterance- your name. 

Thoroughly distracted, yet now again feeling that dreaded emptiness, you pout up at him. "I've always loved playing with your hair."

"(F/N), we can't. Not here. We are both spent physically, and dare I say, emotionally." He holds you in his arms, but turns his head towards Saint Coinach's Find. "We should head back, and debrief everyone before getting some rest."

With a small nod and a smile, you take his hand and begin walking again- the gnawing, anxious feeling growing with every step, but his sure and steady hand holding you down to earth.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

You remember the feeling of absolute dread and reluctance when you reached the site, and G'raha urged you all along saying he needed to stay behind to do "something." You remember telling yourself he was being honest and he would be along shortly, but also reminding yourself that everything good comes to an end, and for heroes like you the present moment was all you could be afforded. 

You remember how it felt looking at him from the gates of the Crystal Tower, willing yourself not to cry as he explained his true purpose in controlling the tower. You remember how you felt like you were going to throw up at your feet from the anxiety and from what felt like a black hole sucking in every ounce of any good feeling from your body. Your eyes raced across his features taking in his red hair, crimson eyes, the minute markings on his cheeks that you used to trace with your fingers in the darkness of night. He spoke of the future and how it was where he belonged, but you couldn't register what he was really saying. That here, right now, with you was not enough and he had to do this for the world and for his people. 

The worst part was that you understood. You understood the feeling of duty and doing the right thing after it had been thrust upon you time and time again. How for once you weren't the chosen one, but it was him instead. And you had your moments together, but now it was time to say goodbye fore when he awoke next you probably wouldn't be there to see him. 

Memorizing his every detail from the inflection of his voice, to the curve of his lips and cheeks, to how he held his body, to how his eyes lit up in simultaneous hope and despair upon meeting your own, you nodded once with a soft, understanding smile that you hoped conveyed your feelings. 

_I understand._

_Be safe._

_I'm not angry._

_I will miss you._

_I love you._

And you turned and walked away as he wished the gates closed.

Now, years later, you fight on The First in Amity on Kholusia, struggling to maintain the Light held within you from the many Lightwardens you have slain in your quest to return night to the First. The pain stays but this time it is so intense that you feel like your entire body is unraveling from the inside out. You have many suspicions, many questions remaining unanswered, but you know one thing for sure: this has to end. 

Your comrades have fought so hard and come so far, new and old. You owe it to them, owe it to those who have sacrificed themselves to complete this last job even if it should kill you. 

Walking towards those working on the Talos that would be used to get to Mt. Gulg, you search face to face looking for the Crystal Exarch. The final battle was approaching and you had a couple of things you needed to say to him and a few other things you needed definite answers on.

Walking into the tavern, you spot Dulia-Chai standing near the bar, but she opens her mouth before you can even utter a simple greeting.

"Oh hello, sweet thing. You just look absolutely exhausted, why don't you take a seat?" 

You almost want to turn the well meaning Miqo'te down, but the look on her face is almost imploring you to please sit down, relax, and have a chat. It seems she has something to say to you, so instead of turning heel and walking out you offer a small nod and soft smile before taking the seat directly to her right.

"It is so inspiring what you and your friends have done to bring this nation together." She begins, usually cheerful voice taking on a more awed and quiet tone. "We lived for so long in ignorance, trying to pretend the world wasn't ending right outside our doors- just content in stuffing our faces and ignoring anything and anyone that had less than us. I... I am so ashamed." 

This shocks you. You had voluntarily engaged in this conversation expecting small talk, not an apology. "I.." you began, not knowing what to say. Drawing upon the verbal wit of Alphinaud, you think on what he would say were he not busy with other matters. "I understand. And I think those you have wronged will too. Tristol did. You treated Alphinaud and I kindly the first time we came to Eulmore. I won't say it will make up for how you may have treated others, but I think if you have some good Karma now after all you've done to help." 

Her eyes are wide looking at you and her face falls briefly in what looks like relief before she turns her face down back to her cup, but not before you can see a few tears fall down her face and onto the bar top. "Thank you for saying that, (F/N.) You are truly a hero among us all." 

You cough slightly at that and nod with a smile on your face, before standing to exit the tavern. "Oh, by the way dear, your friend the Crystal Exarch is just out of town. He was in here with me earlier, but said he needed some fresh air." 

You nod in thanks to her before slipping out of the tavern and hopping the fence out of town. Honestly, you couldn't blame the man. Tensions had been so high recently with everything discovered about Vauthry and the sin eaters, and you knew it weakened him to be away from the tower for so long. 

The Crystal Tower.

A shiver races down your spine as you march forward in determination to find the man you hadn't stopped thinking about since arriving on the First. If your suspicions were correct, you had been thinking about him long before that as well. Looking on the horizon you search for his staff or his hood, something to let you know where he was catching his air, but you saw nothing. There was one bluff though, peeking out over the cliff with Eulmore in full view. Although the residents of this area were accustomed to seeing Light all the time, it still cast beautiful rays over the rocks and plains and you inherently knew that he would be on that bluff.

As you approached there was a boulder, and behind it there was a crumpled, unconscious Crystal Exarch. 

Worry slashed through you as sharp as any ninja's kunai and you quickly knelt to assess that he was indeed breathing. He was alive. 

Pulling your hands back to your person, you feel him shift slightly beneath you and he mutters, "The future is where my destiny awaits." 

The words pierce you, only adding more questions to the ones you already had and yet also pulling things back together. This man...

"Ah- I apologize, (F/N). I hadn't meant to fall asleep out here. The longer I stay away from the tower, the weaker I become." You nod at the information while taking off your weapon and lowering yourself next to him, enjoying the cadence of his speech and how his lips form words- your mind going 1000 miles a minute. "Although I wonder if I can still call this my body, after it has joined with the tower so." 

You'd be blind not to notice the crystal blue markings that made up his right side and crept up into his neck. You hadn't touched him during your time on this star, but you imagined it felt as it looked- cold and hard. 

"It's still your body, Exarch. You still control it." You whisper, afraid that anything slightly louder may cause him to rethink his current openness. 

"I appreciate the sentiment. When I first turned my thoughts to the salvation of the world, I knew it would take many more years than I had left available. So I made myself one with the Crystal Tower, that I might live indefinitely." He paused and looked at you, a smile beneath the hood. "It has been a journey, but thanks to you my wish will finally be fulfilled." 

Silence erupted between the two of you, your heart racing at the words Crystal Tower escaping out of his mouth. This was too much. Too many coincidences, too many similarities. 

"So tell me, (F/N), when this is all over what will you do?" 

A question you weren't ready for when you still had so many you needed to ask. Had he asked the question last year, last month, last week your answer may have differed. But now, knowing what you knew- you weren't sure, and so you honestly said, "I don't know. There will always be someone else to fight. We still have to contend with the Empire, but..." you stopped and chanced a glance up at him, imagining you could see two crimson eyes staring back, "... I would like to rest for awhile when that is done. I want to ride through the wind with the people I care about and not worry about dying from a poison, or being shot with an arrow or machina. I want to live for me, just for a bit." 

He seemed to consider your answer, "But only after you've dealt with the Empire, eh? A hero through and through." He looks up to the sky, now avoiding your gaze. "I have every confidence that you will do well. You will heal people and save countless lives- leaving them better than how you found them. The souls you touch will never forget your kindness, and in trying times when you question your worth they will raise their voices to remind you of the difference you made."

His words took such a deep root in your core that it shook you. The tears welling in your eyes were a shock, something that hand't happened since after the Crystal Tower when you were alone in your inn room where no one could find you sobbing into your pillow about loss and heartbreak. You never thought mere words could harden your resolve, but it seemed this man knew just what to say to make you feel like it was all worth it. That all the sacrifice and selfless decisions meant something. 

Now was the time to ask your questions and yet now that a window had opened you found yourself choking on your tongue. So instead, with a sniffle and a glove across your cheeks, you responded, "And how about you? I would know more of you. What will you do when this is all over?"

He looks almost shocked for a moment that someone would ask after him, the Exarch that set this all in motion, but then he demurely turns his face down and allows a grin to grace his features. " _Of_ me? I once told you there are things we can ill afford to lose. For me, that thing is a someone. She deserves to know the truth and my heart knows that, but my head knows that there are reasons I keep my secrets." He shifts his legs so his arm still made of flesh is resting on a bent knee, "She... is my inspiration, and I would give much and more for the chance to speak with her as friends, without any concealment."

He shifts again, almost uncomfortably, and you can tell this statement is no longer hypothetical. Your feelings continue to buffet through you as you try to find your voice and your courage, but all you can do is blink at him with a face exploding with encouragement, respect, and adoration. 

"I would ask her to regale me of her tales, and I would share mine. And then I would ask about her next adventure," he stops to look at you, "and if she would wish me to be a part of it." His voice breaks briefly, before turning his face away again towards the sky. "Oh how happy it would make me."

You fingers dig into the earth at your sides while your eyes search his profile trying to find those key indicators you memorized so long ago. The thick lips and cheeks, the inflection and intonation of his voice and tone. Your hand itched to reach out, but you didn't know how you would be received. 

"Together, we would travel the lands and cross the seas and take to the skies upon the eternal wind. My heart swells simply to imagine it."

You can only stare at him now as he moves and leans back on both palms with his face soaking in the Light. Finally, you find a voice, "So what is stopping you?"

He looks back towards you then and falters a moment before recovering, "Well it is all contingent on our victory in the upcoming battle." 

Bringing his knees in and his hands up, he motions to stand up but all you can understand in your thoughts between your heartbeat and the blood rushing in your ears is: 

_Not again._

_Live for now._

_No more goodbyes._

"Wait!" You shout as you grab on the edge of the clothing bunched around his waist. You're on your knees beside him now grasping so tightly you can feel your nails biting into your palms. 

"Is everything alright, (F/N)?" He asks, but sits back down nonetheless with his legs stretched back in front of him and leaning against the boulder. 

"This woman... what is her name?" It was the most logical question. Despite your suspicions or your feelings, if he had met someone else you needed to know before you made a fool of herself.

"She... has many names." He responds with almost a breathless quality. _Good,_ you thought. _This should affect him as much as it is affecting me._

"Tell me."

"I don't think it's such a great idea..." He mumbles and you notice his body has gone tense, his jaw harder than the crystal creeping up his body. 

Tired of his games, you move your body so you are straddling his knees and trapping him underneath you, but not quite so inappropriately that he couldn't escape if he wanted to.

"You claim you aren't sure if this is your body anymore, but I know better." You whisper, your hands resting on his thighs now. "These legs are still yours. They ran you through Holminster Switch with myself and the others, and they ran you all across Kholusia in search of ore." You inch forward slightly, your legs now surrounding his thighs so you reach your hands up to grasp his. "These hands and arms... while one is almost entirely crystal are still yours to be controlled. They are still capable of casting spells, and protecting the people you care about. They are still able to hold weapons," you pause and place his hands on your hips, "... and people." 

His teeth are chewing at his lower lip now, sucking it into his mouth while his jaw hardens impossibly. "(F/N)..." 

"No." You say, your courage finally showing it's face. You have faced down fearsome beasts, and stared death, light, and darkness all in the face with no fear. And yet nothing hurt you like losing him and thinking you'd never see him again; now you had him exactly where you wanted him even though ages and worlds have passed since the last time you felt his hands on your body. 

"Your body is yours and you can do what you want with it. You control it despite the feeling of being weak or fragile." You pause, your torsos close enough that you can feel his every exhalation in your own chest. Frantic, mad. "I never got to tell you how much I cared for you. I never got to show you beyond a couple nights in an inn and between tearful goodbyes. But I know you. I know who you are. You're a man with many words- strong enough to sway entire villages and nations to follow him and believe in his power. A man so strong that he brought me to my knees." Your hands climb up his forearms and shoulders, your breath shaking from the sheer familiarity of it despite one side being decidedly harder than the other. Finally, they find purchase on the sides of his hood resting on the folds near his cheeks. 

"(F/N), please..." He begs, but neither of you are sure for what. To stop? To keep this whole charade a secret? Or to expose him? Tell him everything he wants to hear, and what he has been waiting to hear.

"I have fought to fill the void left by you for so long, and all I could do was find righteous causes to raise my bow for in your memory... to distract me from the pain of you being gone. But you're here, and you're no less a man than I last saw you." You pushed the sides of the hood in your grasp to his cheeks so you could hold both the fabric and his face. "I know you. I know who you are, G'raha Tia, and I am never letting you go again. I promise." 

With one final flurry of movement you pushed his hood down and finally gazed upon the face you had been dreaming about for years since the sealing of the Crystal Tower. The face you imagined behind the hood whenever he would leave you sandwich baskets and well wishes in your inn room at the Crystarium. It hadn't changed much. His eyes were still crimson, and the markings on his cheeks were just as cute as they had been before. His hair and eyebrows were very much the same color, and the way his face would contort with emotions was very much the same.

Despite the crystal claiming his body, he was still yours. And you always kept your promises.

With a huff, you cup his cheeks in your hands and bring your lips to his. The first few touches are completely one sided with G'raha too shocked and still catching up to your words to truly grasp the situation. Ever the persistent savior of the world, you continued pressing soft kisses to the center of his mouth, "I have never," a kiss to the right corner of his mouth, "for even a second," one to the left corner, "forgotten you." 

Tears streamed down your cheeks now, your heart exploding at the confirmation that he is well and truly alive and beneath you. Vauthry could send every sin eater down from that damned volcano and you'd happily slay them all just to return to this moment. Finally you whisper, "I missed you so much. I love you so much." 

His hands on your hips grasped down, causing you to gasp sharply at the strength. You knew that would bruise later, but you would wear it as a mark of honor. _G'raha is doing this to me... and he isn't pushing me away._

"You said," he pauses, considering his next words, "... I can do whatever I want with my body?" 

Thinking this a weird question after having been kissed, you can't do much else but nod. With the simple motion, G'raha suddenly lifts you up by the hips and flips your positions so that you are on the ground on your back before you can even blink.

And then there is fire. 

It stems from his lips on yours, searching, nipping, sliding. They are as soft and full as you remember them, but the intent behind them is fierce and it feels like all the pent up emotion and anticipation from your time apart is being poured into your kiss. Your kisses before the Crystal Tower were never like this. Those times were always soft or filled with quiet laughter and tenderness. These kisses were making up for lost time, for hiding his true identity from you these past few months while being an acting partner in his plan to save the First, for leaving you for so long.

"I thought of you every day too." He spoke into your mouth, his flesh arm moving from your hips down your thigh and to the bend of your knee, pulling it up to wrap around his waist. "It killed me to not just reveal myself to you. But I couldn't jeopardize the plan. I have to put this world before anything I could ever want. Even now I fear this will ruin everything." He stops talking when you bring your hand to the base of his neck and tug at his hair. 

"Nothing you and I could ever do would ruin anything. We are strong together. We are brave and proud together. We will fight together and at the end of this we will be alive together." You pepper kisses across his mouth, cheeks, nose, and forehead as you speak before moving down to kiss along his jawline. "I won't lose you again. I can't. If I have to tear down a mountain of crystal to have you by my side, I will."

He growls as you bite down on the juncture of his neck and shoulders, a sensitive spot only you know from your time together before the sealing. Out of the corner of your eye you can see his crystallized fingers digging trenches into the earth, and he drags your knee higher, grinding his body down into the parting of your legs. A moan escapes you as you feel how hard he is beneath his robes, and you wonder if he has been waiting for this as long as you have. Did he dream of it in his crystal slumber? 

"I will do whatever I have to do," he begins, sliding his hand back down to cup your bottom, "... to keep you by my side when this is all over." 

With that declaration, no words are needed any longer as movements become frenzied and you both race to rid yourselves of any clothing that may be separating you from feeling each others bodies. As skin touched skin a sigh escapes between the both of you, and you are reaffirmed that despite the crystalline appearance on parts of his body, he is still warm and loving and yours completely. You knew Vauthry was still out there and the Light was still surrounding you both, and you knew you were out in the open and anyone could walk onto the bluff and behind the boulder, but you didn't care. It was high time you did something for yourself, time you took something that made you happy. And while the Light never changed here, as he slid into you and began his rhythmic movements you could have sworn it shown just a little brighter.

In your time apart, G'raha became more a man of words than he had been prior, but today he showed you several times how much he loved you. How much he missed, treasured, and cherished you. Several times he let you take the lead and climb on top of him, claiming he wanted to see you above him, but you knew he was feeling fragile from his distance from the tower so you gladly took charge. Writhing on top of him you thought, not for the first time, how beautiful he looked in the Light, but how you couldn't wait to do this again under the night sky with the stars above you.

Deep, strong thrusts broke you out of your reverie as you placed your hands behind you and on his thighs to allow for a different angle as he ravaged you again for everything you were worth. "G'raha, ahh, keep going, p-please." 

"Hn." He grunted, reaching up to grab your hips to better slam you on top of him. "Say it again. Say my name. My real name." 

He was breathless now, his words clipped and mangled. The sound of it alone brought you even closer to your next climax, the roughness and pure lust rubbing against in you the most sensual of ways.

"G'raha!" You gasp as he hits a spot deep inside of you. "Ah! G'raha right there!" 

Keeping his rhythm and depth he nodded and after a few moments and his hand circling your clit, you exploded around him- lights erupting behind your eyelids as you let out a moan so loud you wondered if those in Amity would come searching. With another bruising grasp on your hips he pumps once, twice, three times before spending himself inside of you and pulling you down for wild kisses and gasps. 

As your forehead rested against his, you opened your tired eyes and found him staring straight back at you, love shining on his face through his exhausted eyes and smile. "I love you." He whispers tenderly, returning to the G'raha from old. "I love you so much. I'm sorry for everything, but I will do everything I can to keep you safe and secure our life and adventures together." 

You choke on a sob as you nod, the events of the last few years finally catching up to you, but overall happiness and pride overflowing onto him in the form of tears. "I love you too. I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

You lay there a few more moments before dressing each other, and then laying in each other's arms just staring out at the horizon. Dread filled you both as you realized you'd have to walk back soon and shatter the bubble of peace you'd created in these past couple of hours. Tomorrow you'd wake up and have to climb the Talos to get to Vauthry and beyond that, who knew what would happen, but right now you had each other.

You lean up slightly and prop yourself on your elbow to look down at G'raha. 

"What? Something on my face?" He asks before scratching at his cheek.

You grin and shake your head before bringing your hands up and running them through his hair, taming it.

"No, nothing. Just thinking about us- about our future and what it holds." You pause, "also, I love playing with your hair, remember?"

His face sobers for a moment before he leans up to capture you in a kiss speaking of promises, when he pulls away he whispers, "The future is where my destiny awaits." 

**Author's Note:**

> That was a time. As always please leave a comment and share with your friends who may also love FFXIV, but only if they have finished the Main Story Quests!


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